According to Glenn Reynolds: "Liberty Dog is a minarchist libertarian with Objectivist tendencies, but I can't even get my dog to crap outside."

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Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Free Money To Pay Your Bills!

You've seen the ads on TV. A hyper-animated guy in a suit covered with question marks frothing at the mouth about how you can free government money to pay your bills. From his website:
Everyone qualifies!

Government money programs aren't only for the very needy. Even those who make $35,000, $50,000, even $85,000 a year can qualify for many of these programs. And others programs have no income requirements at all. You can even be a millionaire and get free money from the government (like Donald Trump, Sam Donaldson and even George W. Bush and Dick Cheney did)!

It's Money You Never Have To Repay! Learn About:

  • Government Money That Goes Directly Into Your Pocket

  • Government Offices That Pay Your Bills Directly

  • Free Goods and Services From Professionals That will never send you a bill

Wow! Sounds great doesn't it? Just let the government take care of all your needs! Why not, it's FREE!

For some reason, my biological mother (who is also a member of AARP, bless her heart) decided to fork out the $60 plus to get the book. Well, she forked out half and her friend forked out half, so they could share the book. Since it was currently in rotation at my mom's, I decided to take a look at the 4000+ ways he lists to bilk the American taxpayer (to be fair, a good portion of the book covers non-profits as well).

Here are some of the tidbits I found:
Rid Your Neighborhood of Troublemakers

Some states allow local community groups to get tenants or property owners thrown out of the neighborhood -- under civil laws, not criminal laws -- if they are involved with drugs or are a nuisance to the community.

Outstanding! Don't like your neighbor, have the government throw him out on his ass!
Free Nutrition Counseling and Classes

Nutrition counseling, menu planning, cooking instruction and comparison shopping is available from your local County Cooperative Extension Service. Group instruction is free of charge, but persons requesting individual lessons are asked to pay for the lesson materials.

Don't know what to have for supper, let the government tell you. Be sure to bring along some friends so as to avoid the "individuality" surcharge.
For Those Who Lost Their Jobs Because Of Trade Act

Trade Readjustment Allowances (TRA) are income support to persons who have exhausted Unemployment compensation and whose jobs were affected by foreign imports.

Did you lose your job to the damn foreigners? Fear not, Uncle Sam will put you on the dole. Don't worry, if you just had your hours reduced, you can still get a piece of the action.

There are literally thousands of these in this book. It is good to know that someone is looking out for the little guy and helping them get all they can out of the government. After all, it's government money, so it's free!

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Copyright © S Michael Moore 2005